Every word we speak and action we take has a consequence. I learnt this at a very young age, and chose, having experienced suffering at the hands of others, to strive to minimise the suffering I caused others. Knowing pain, I didn’t want to consciously, knowingly inflict it on others through my own words and actions.
I’ve lived according to this ‘value’ for well over 30 years now, and I am finally starting to reflect on the efficacy of this approach. I wonder if I have inadvertently caused more suffering – to myself in particular – by not expressing myself more freely.
What do you do when you know something has to be said or done that will cause another person suffering? Do you choose to say or do nothing, thereby avoiding causing the person suffering – in the short-term at least – or do you choose to say or do something with the belief that while it might cause suffering in the short-term, it will have a positive outcome with time.
When it comes to engaging with the ones we love, and under most other circumstances, I believe we should always tell the truth – as we see it. However, we must be conscious that truth, outside of scientific, provable, indisputable facts, is subjective. So our truths are not objective facts, but subjective perceptions of a given situation based on the knowledge we have, and influenced by any biases that arise from historical experiences.
So, if you want to minimise the suffering you cause others, while also maintaining integrity through always telling the truth as you see it, do you say nothing, or do you speak out. Are there other factors, such as avoidance of conflict, not wanting to destablise a relationship, or not wanting to be perceived negatively, that hold greater sway?
To be continued…